In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Out of Reach.”
If I’m honest, I’m not the sort of person who looks back on the past for any given reason, let alone to identify one person, thing, place or experience that ‘got away’. I’m not saying that to be all ‘oh look at me, I’m better than you not all caught up in the past’ because I’m not. It’s not actually that great a trait because I just accept whatever is happening and changing in my life and don’t look back, for anything. Yes of course like anyone I do think about what’s happened in my past but I don’t hold onto it or consider what ‘might have been’. So it never feels like anything got away from me, because I got away first.
So I’ll flip this prompt on it’s head because there is one thing currently that I don’t want to be out of reach. I’ve been feeling pretty rubbish about the degree classification I came out of uni with (2.2) to the point I convinced myself it was utterly pointless ever saying I even have a degree. Forget postgraduate study, masters and PhD (which was the ‘original’ plan), forget graduate jobs, forget anything degree related. It has all felt absolutely pointless to the point there was only shame when thinking about my degree. And that hurts a lot.
And that’s all that needs to be said about that for now. It’s a touchy subject if you didn’t guess.
One day last week (I think, time literally flies by I can’t keep track) someone who I have the biggest admiration for posted something on instagram which lead to another site which lead to another and another and another and at some point it all directed me to Stony Brook University and specifically their graduate program in Marine Conservation and Policy. All I want to do with my life is look after the environment, specifically the ocean and this graduate course could literally be the stepping stone I need to make this dream a reality. You know how I told myself my undergrad degree was classified to achieve nothing? Well if I’ve got my facts right my degree is just enough to be accepted onto this course.
The moment I read that, worked out what my degree means in GPA terms and that I could actually do this, well I cried. Five years of studying, struggling, self doubt may not be so pointless after all. I still might be able to do what my soul tells me I need to be doing with my life.
Studying internationally isn’t going to be cheap, and I earn next to no money in my current job. I don’t want money to be the reason I can’t make this work, so in answer to this prompt: this is what I don’t want to be out of reach or be the one thing that got away, the graduate program that could be pinnacle moment of my life.
P.S. You have no idea how often I’m typing conversation instead of conservation!!!